I’m sure Joe Biden is their hero. Since they couldn’t heed his warning not to travel in planes or trains or other enclosed spaces they did the next best thing: they used the rally towels the Caps gave out at the game as makeshift face masks. No, really. No doubt the high quality cotton poly is at least as resistant to A/H1N1 viruses as an N95 mask. (Click the picture to make them bigger dorks.)

The kid finally gave up when he finally realized that most of the rest of the car was highly amused by their frivolity, but the dad kept up his PDBR (public display of brain rot) for at least a half dozen more stops. Mercy. Somebody shoulda sneezed.

I landed in Gothenburg about 10AM local time on September 11, 2001, there to prepare for a meeting I was organizing/hosting/chairing a month later. As usual, I checked into the hotel after the all night flight and went to sleep for a couple of hours. Woke up to Aaron Brown standing on a rooftop with smoke pouring out of a hole in one of the towers behind him. My jet lagged brain thought he said that a plane had crashed into the building. Then the second plane hit while he was talking. He didn’t see it because he was facing the camera. But the rest of us saw it. And felt it, even across oceans.

Our kids were both in school in the District and the rumors started to circulate. CNN, having airtime to fill, started airing them. “Fires on the Mall. Plane headed toward the Capitol. A helicopter has crashed into the Pentagon.” Great. The country’s under attack and everybody I love is in Washington, and I’m stuck thousands of miles away across an ocean. My jet lagged brain then tried to direct Gigi to the best routes to take, and the ones to avoid, to get downtown and pick up the kids. Trying to take charge from Sweden seemed like a good idea; it sounded ludicrous in Washington. She and a friend drove down, picked up everybody’s kids, and returned to what seemed like the relative safety of the suburbs. I mean, even my jet lagged brain figured that the 7-11 on MacArthur Boulevard was an unlikely target.

With all flights to home grounded there was no chance to get back. I did manage to make it to England where good friends took me in for as long as I needed; that turned out to be a week. We made lemonade by touring a different corner of East Anglia every day. Pubs, churches, ruins, villages, followed by more pubs, villages, and narrow, hilly, winding, rain slick lanes better suited to carts than sedans. John’s driving so terrified me that I almost forgot why I was there. Joan, having survived as John’s passenger for 40 years, took refuge in the back seat and had a quiet bit of fun noticing my white knuckles.

One day we didn’t go touring. The memorial service from St. Paul’s was on the BBC. The orchestra played our National Anthem, God Save The Queen, and an entire program of tear-inducing music. I stood in the doorway of their parlor, hoping that if I didn’t go in and sit down I’d somehow avoid the tears. That didn’t work; I cried my eyes out missing the family and being glad they’re safe and being sorry I can’t be there for them and for me. Later, after I calmed down, I made a joke about the size of the upcoming cellular bill.

I was flying so much that I was in United’s top tier of frequent flyers, which came in handy. We had a private number in most every country to call for customer service, and I called it twice each day for news of flights. They were amazingly patient and never once got cross, as the Brits say, and they managed to get me on a flight on the first day they were allowed to fly. Even better, it was the first flight from Heathrow to Dulles. Upper deck of a 747. Everybody was nervous and eying everybody else, especially the middle Eastern looking guy sitting across the aisle and one row back. Trying to be non-obvious about the obvious while begging the crew to do something, anything. Like get him the hell off the plane. Security finally came on board and so very politely asked him to join them back in the terminal. After an hour he was back, apparently absolved of Flying While Arab. The crew later confided that they’d had his bags pulled off and re-re-re-examined, too.

Got home to what passed for normalcy. At the Caps games that fall, images of waving flags and wheat fields filled the scoreboard and signs around arena during anthem. Everybody sang like they really meant it, something I hadn’t ever heard before. Frankly, I don’t know how the performers got through the song without choking up. The whole place was wrapped up with so much pride and anger and fear all rolled into 2 ½ minutes of song. Then huge cheers at the end, and much more than the ‘OK the song’s over, let’s play’ cheers. Every single night.

Now, I’ve been in the same arena for 40+ games, listening to the same song, watching similar images. And the memories come. Every night.

The best part of OV? He’s even more fun to watch in person. (Thanks to Scott Shapin for the link.)

Tampa Bay is showing itself to be a first-class outfit by the way they’re handing this. If Andreychuk clears waivers he’ll be assigned to one of Tampa’s AHL teams but won’t be required to play. He’ll get paid anyway.

Here’s what the Lightning GM Jay Feaster said about the obviously difficult decision:

“When we entered into the contract with David this summer, both sides did so in good faith, recognizing that no one would work harder in the summer preparing for the new season than David. At the same time, both sides understood that it would take some time to work through the impact of missing an entire season. What neither side could foresee was the type of game the ‘new NHL’ would be upon its return – a game in which speed and quickness carry the day. After giving ourselves half a season to evaluate and analyze, it became clear to us that David’s game was not suited to the ‘new NHL.’

“[Coach] John Tortorella and I met with David for almost an hour on Monday and discussed a number of options. Once again, the new CBA limited our options. Were David to retire, the Club would be relieved of its financial obligations under the contract. We felt that was not fair to David and his family and thus, in the end, our only realistic option was to place him on waivers today with the intention of assigning him to Springfield in the AHL once he clears those waivers, but not requiring that he actually report. This enables David to continue being paid this season without having to actually play in the AHL.

“They don’t make hockey players like Dave Andreychuk anymore. From the moment he came to Tampa he led by example and he helped our young players understand how to be professionals. There were times early in his tenure in Tampa when he carried the entire team on his back, and there is no doubt that his quest to win a Stanley Cup served as inspiration for his teammates during our Championship run. He will always have a special place in our hearts here in Tampa and in the Lightning organization.”

Class acts, both of them. Here are a few Andreychuk facts:

• 1,639 games (fourth most in NHL history)
• NHL all-time leader in power play goals (274)
• Second all-time in the NHL among left wings in goals (640), assists (698) and points (1,338)
• 19 20-goal-or-more seasons, third most in NHL history behind Gordie Howe (22) and Ron Francis (20)
• 1,338 career points, tied for 23rd most in NHL history.

Hope I have the chance to applaud this guy some day.

Moore filed a civil suit against Bertuzzi and others in Denver, claiming that the attack was essentially ordered by the Canuck’s coaches. The judge dismissed the case, saying that since the attack occurred in Canada the trial should be held there. Obviously both Moore and Bertuzzi incurred significant legal costs in Denver; now Bertuzzi wants Moore to pay his legal expenses since the suit was dismissed. To recap: Bertuzzi attacks Moore, the attack was videotaped, Moore sues, the suit is tossed for technical reasons, and now Moore should pay his attacker’s legal fees? I could understand if this were a nuisance suit dismissed for lack of merit, but that hardly describes this situation. Moore has already agreed to pay half of Bertuzzi’s costs in Colorado, which speaks volumes about the man. Bertuzzi should slink away and be grateful.

The greater insult to Moore was delivered by Wayne Gretzky and his partners who picked the Canadian Olympic hockey team. You might think they’d take the opportunity to showcase the guy who’s leading the race for NHL Rookie of the Year, Sidney Crosby, on the grand stage of the Olympics. Or take Marc Savard, Patrick Marleau, Brendan Shanahan or Alex Tanguay to Torino, all of whom are in the top 25 scorers in the NHL. Nope. Gretzky and Co. opted for the convicted thug Bertuzzi. Scant international experience and having an extremely mediocre season, Bertuzzi apparently represents the best that Canada has to offer; he’s no doubt the embodiment of the Olympic spirit. Let’s review the Olympic athlete’s oath:

“In the name of all competitors, I promise that we shall take part in these Olympic Games, respecting and abiding by the rules that govern them, in the true spirit of sportsmanship, for the glory of sport and the honor of our teams.”

According to this article Kevin Lowe, Team Canada’s assistant executive director, contributed this craven bit:

“We’re proud to have him. As human beings and in life and in this country, I think a big part of being Canadian is being able to forgive.”

“Proud to have him?” Morris Della Costa, writing in the London Free Press, said it well:

You used to be proud of your kids when they had a buck and decided to give it to someone who didn’t have any money, or when there were choices to make and they wound up making the right one or when they saw someone being bullied and stood up for them.

I guess the word proud has taken on a different meaning.

I don’t think I’ll cheer for a team that uses the word “proud” the way Team Canada used it when it selected Bertuzzi.

Indeed. Steve Moore is Canadian. I wonder if anyone from Team Canada has called him to see if he’s proud that Bertuzzi’s going to wear his country’s flag in Torino.

In cities like Miami, Tampa, Dallas, Phoenix, LA, San Jose, and here in Washington there are not large enough core fans to support the franchises. Whoever heard of empty seats in arenas for playoff games? Yet I’ve seen it with my own eyes here and in Tampa. With attendance low concession revenues are below expectations, and with a small fan base there is scant demand for paraphernalia. Even personable Ted Leonsis, a marketing guru if ever there was one, couldn’t boost attendance at Caps games.

The owners tried paying outrageous salaries to a few star players in order to boost their teams’ performance and raise attendance, but that only resulted in a lopsided league and unrealistic salary expectations among players. First the Caps, then the Rangers, overpaid Jaromir Jagr so badly that they couldn’t afford to hire enough decent players to support him.

Hockey also must deal with a lack of TV revenue. Not only does the game itself appeal to a smaller core audience, but the game is difficult to watch on TV and can’t hold the attention of the casual viewer. Part of the game’s appeal is speed, but that same pace makes it hard to follow on TV. There’s also this conundrum about hockey: the puck is small, and can only be seen on TV when the camera shot is tight; but by focusing so closely on the puck most of what else is going on gets missed. Imagine a televised NFL game if all you saw was the guy with the ball. And Bettman’s new TV contract guarantees no revenue to the league.

Don’t get me wrong. The players’ complicity in the debacle should not go unnoticed. They have clung to their salaries apparently without regard to the reality of their market. They are hockey players, not NBA, NFL or even MLB players. They compete in a smaller market, and cannot reasonably expect to make what their counterparts in other leagues make. Their salaries are outrageous, but only in the context of their market. And after years of saying they would never agree to a salary cap-style payroll system, player’s union head Bob Goodenow caved in at the last minute but stopped short of caving entirely by sticking to a figure that the owners would never agree to.

If it were up to me I’d fire both Bettman and Goodenow and start over. And I mean start over with a new league. The NHL has become insignificant, beyond a small core audience that undoubtedly has gotten smaller since September. And insignificant may be worse than dead.

The message that the players and owners should hear is that there is no uproar among the casual fans. The hardcore fans are depressed and angry, but the casual fan seems not to have noticed that there is no NHL. That should scare the daylights out of the owners and the players.

The All-Star right wing of the New York Rangers told the New York Daily News that he has a conditional contract in place that will enable him to play in Russia next fall should the opening of the 2004-05 NHL season be delayed by a lockout.

“There’s a big chance I might be going to Moscow,” Jagr said, naming Dynamo Moscow and the famed CSKA club as his likely teams.

Asked if he had a deal in place, Jagr said: “Yeah. It might be the best league in the world besides the NHL.”

My guess is that he’s not the only NHL player who’ll head east if the NHL doesn’t have a season. He might be the first to come out and say something publicly about it, but I doubt he’s the only one who’s got a deal done.

This is has no place in hockey. This is not ‘watching out for your teammate’, this is not ‘retribution’, this is not ‘the hockey code’. This is criminal and has no place in organized sport at any level, especially the professional level. Bertuzzi should be banned for at least two years, and longer if Moore is out longer. The league should also suspend the Canucks’ coach for the rest of the year, including the playoffs.

Look at what’s happened with the Caps this year: performed terribly while sporting one of the highest payrolls in the league, and while bleeding cash. The team has traded two beloved players (Konowalchuk, who was captain at the time, and Bondra) and their marquee player, Jagr. Leonsis has been talking since the end of last season about the end of the labor agreement between the league and the players, and recently his tone has turned foreboding.

Leonsis has been up front that the Jagr trade was strictly a money deal, although at least the team got somebody who can play well every day in return. Kono was traded to a contender and the Caps got a decent younger player, Battaglia, who’s been playing regularly. Bondra was traded to the Senators for a prospect who’s played just one NHL game and a draft choice; that seems like a ridiculously low price for such a wonderful player and member of the Washington community like Peter Bondra. After all, Leonsis pointed out last night that most of Bondra’s salary has already been paid this year, so they’re not saving much money. And the player they got in return has already been assigned to the minors and likely won’t contribute to the team this year.

No, I think Leonsis and McPhee are doing Peter a favor by giving him a chance to win a Stanley Cup near the end of his career. He’s 36 and clearly has long had a goal to win a Cup. I’m sure his dream was to win a cup for the city where he “grew up,” as he describes it. But it became clear last fall that it wasn’t going to happen here in Washington this season or next, even without the uncertainly about next season. So Peter, like all of us, has to adjust his dreams a bit. There’s no doubt that winning a Cup for Washington was at the top of his hockey list, but winning a Cup someplace must be second on that list.

My problem is that I’m not sure who to root for when the Sens come to town on March 8th, which is coincidentally the night before the trading deadline.